Episode 12: The World's Biggest Joke

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over. Kaitlyn Bristowe finally picked a suitor, putting an end to the lengthy, formerly unending process that is The Bachelorette. This season was not without its highs (Ryan M's drunken opening night antics) and lows (everything that followed Ryan M), but it is finally over. Like Nixon leaving the presidency, Kaitlyn and her new fiancée wave goodbye for a final time and ascend into a land of obscure cultural references.

The Bachelorette finale begins on a sound stage where Chris Harrison introduces tonight's "Live" show. Look. I've made this point before and I'll make it again. You cannot describe a show as "Live" when 2/3 of it is pre-taped. Just because there is a live audience watching along doesn't make the show "live." The Cosby Show was filmed in front of a live audience, but you'd never call that a "live" show. I've said this before, but until Mike Fleiss answers my letters, I'll keep making the point.

Hard to say who was the bigger setback for feminism. 

The show begins in earnest, as Kaitlyn sits down with her family to discuss the final two contestants. Kaitlyn's mother and sister are shocked to hear that Nick is back for a second season. Her dad, however, responds with a blank stare that continues throughout the episode. It's the same blank stare I've had all season. I know it well.

Nick finally arrives at the house and is immediately set upon by Leslie. She tells Nick that she saw him on Andi's season and didn't like him, finally giving voice to every Bachelorette viewer alive. Leslie also asks Nick to describe his passion for her (a task poets have struggled with for thousands of years) and what Kaitlyn sees in him (a question better suited for Kaitlyn than Nick). Regardless, Nick ambles though an answer with a hefty dose of clichés and his trademark mumbling which reduces both Leslie and himself to tears. I'm not sure which cliché caused both sides to tear up, but regardless, Nick obtains Leslie's blessing.

Nick also receives a blessing from Kaitlyn's father in yet another "Dad Blessing." Clearly disinterested in Nick and The Bachelorette in general, Katlyn's father responds with "I get a good feeling from you, so… yes." I have no idea what about skeezy Nick gave Mr. Bristowe a "good feeling" but that's beside the point. Good feelings are barely a reason to attend a Flo Rida concert, much less give your daughter away.

The most dad-ly dad of all dads.

Side note: Leslie and Kaitlyn's Stepfather look like fun parents/Jimmy Buffet fans. Her dad and Stepmother look like accountants who don't own a TV. Divorce never made so much sense.

As he is finally leaving, Nick kisses Kaitlyn for several seconds with his eyes wide open. It's like he's actively trying to be the weirdest person in the world. James Bond doesn't even kiss with his eyes open and he has hundreds of people trying to kill him at any given time. All Nick has is the disdain of The Bachelorette audience

Shawn was next to meet the family. As is customary, he brought flowers for Kaitlyn's mother. As is not customary he brought a large mason jar of a red mystery liquid for Kaitlyn's father. What was in that jar? Moonshine? Preserves? Blood? I bet it was blood. 

A gift worthy of Ed Gein.

The family takes an immediate liking to Shawn. Kaitlyn's sister flips on her endorsement of Nick in under a minute and is now firmly Team Shawn. If only Kaitlyn could have done the same, this show would have been over weeks ago.

Leslie pulls Shawn aside to talk about his time with Kaitlyn. Specifically, Leslie asks about his perceived jealousies in seeing Kaitlyn with other men and how this will transfer into everyday life. Shawn replies that his jealousy won't be an issue when he and Kaitlyn are exclusive. If that isn't a massive red flag I don't know what is. The "my emotional problems will all get better if the situation around me changes" sentiment has more red flags than a Soviet rally.

It's a shame Kaitlyn never asked about Shawn's five year plan.

Eventually, Shawn receives a blessing from each of Kaitlyn's parents. It was pretty uneventful, and as normal as two divorced parents coming together to give away their adult daughter to a total stranger on a reality TV show could be.

The final solo dates were next, with Nick going first. He and Kaitlyn lounge about on a yacht and talk about couple-y shit. Honestly I don't know exactly what they were saying, because for the first time ever I noticed that Nick has a lisp. Was this always the case? Have I been tuning out what he was saying so effectively that I never noticed how he was saying it? It's all I can hear now.

"I juscht think we have schuch a schurreal and schpecial relationschlip"

Nick and Kaitlyn eventually leave the high seas and sit down to dinner for more lisp-y couple shit. The two talk about the progression of their relationship and how grateful they are that the other took a chance on them. Just as the date is reaching an apex of cuteness, Nick tells Kaitlyn that he got a gift for her and it's in his bedroom.

There's no way the gift isn't his penis right?

Wrong.

Nick gave Kaitlyn a framed photo of them and a poem he wrote about her. It was a cuter gift than his penis (I assume), though the poem inside was complete dreck. In case you missed it, the opening line was "There is magic in your eyes." That is terrible for a lot of reasons, not least of which is "Magic in Your Eyes" is a Chaka Kahn song from 1977. Don't you dare rip off The Queen of Funk, Nick. Don't you dare.

It's almost like he gave a very similar "gift" to someone else...

Kaitlyn was enthralled by Nick's gift, staring at it for some time before forcing herself to set it aside in order to make eye contact with him. Nick was especially proud of said gift, saying "Isn't it great?" and "You can keep looking at it." To be clear, the gift was not his penis.

Shawn's final date was next, and appeared to be the answer to the unasked question "what does awkwardness look like?" Between the total lack of eye contact and lengthy silences, the couple looked more like they were on their first date than about to become engaged.

Far and away, my favorite line from their awkward date came after a particularly long silence when Shawn said “So… what else is going on?” No one says, “What else is going on?” outside of floundering 80’s comedians and Jay Leno. Not that Jay Leno isn't still a floundering 80s comedian, I just felt like calling him out specifically. Fuck you Jay Leno. 

You did this, America. You let this happen.

The evening portion of the date went immensely better, though the previous awkwardness would have been hard to top. Shawn and Kaitlyn talk about their future as a couple and how to keep the spark alive in a relationship. The night was more of your standard issue couple shit until Shawn gave Kaitlyn his gift: an oversized mason jar partially filled with mementos from their dates to this point. This would have been a great gift, had the jar been more than half filled. As it stands, it looked like Shawn realized he was supposed to get Kaitlyn a gift 20 minutes before their date and threw anything he could find into a jar. Hey Shawn, do you know what you call a container half filled with leftover trinkets from previous dates? A garbage can. Do better.

Finally, the big day arrives. There's the usual preamble, grooming, and ring selecting by the guys. No new territory was trod here, but there were a few points of interest. Shawn finally wore a tie correctly for the first time ever, which was a welcome change. Nick, on the other hand, continued to wear his pre-teen bracelets on the day he was planning to propose, so he couldn't have taken this too seriously. While this was happening, Kaitlyn retreated to a rooftop to ponder her upcoming decision. Unfortunately, she looked less like The Bachelorette and more like Damien's nanny from The Omen.

At least the nanny could say "I love you."

The first car pulls up to the house and Nick steps out, clearly unaware of the terrible fate that awaits him. He approaches Kaitlyn and, before she has a chance to speak, launches into a lengthy speech about his love for her. While she fights off a grimace, Nick tells her how important she is to him and says “I’m not ready to let us go.” Kaitlyn endures all of this until he pulls out a ring before stopping him. Talk about waiting until the last minute.

I called the blog This Is Brutal for a reason

Suddenly, Nick realizes what is happening. The two trade some uncomfortable one liners (“I still love you” “If that were true I wouldn’t be here” “It was real to me in moments” “It was real to me all season” the list goes on) before Nick finally leaves. Once in the limo Nick takes the potential engagement ring and tosses it aside saying “I’m the world’s biggest joke.” If Nick were here, I would tell him that he’s not the world’s biggest joke, because jokes bring people joy. At best, Nick provides people a reason to hate themselves less with his own terribleness.

Shawn arrives next, and gives a speech very similar to Nick’s. He also pulls out a ring, only Kaitlyn doesn’t stop him. Shawn proposes. Kaitlyn accepts. At long last, we have a conclusion to this season of The Bachelorette.

Finally. It is done.

Or, at least, we would have a conclusion to the show were it not for After The Final Rose. Honestly, the entire post show was pretty boring, but it is my sworn duty as a certified Bachelor/ette blogger to report everything that happens. These are the sacrifices I make for you people.

The finale to the finale begins with the introduction of the new couple: Kaitlyn and Shawn. They’re very happy to now go public with their relationship. Shawn recounts his story of taking Kaitlyn’s picture on Snapchat and drawing a heart around her for his friends. Presumably, Kaitlyn remembers that months ago she spoiled the entire season via her Snapchat by taking a picture of her and Shawn in bed together.

Snapchat, it's not just for dick pics anymore.

Nick comes out next and talks about how surprising it was to be kicked off. He also talks about the extent of his and Kaitlyn’s relationship prior to the show. According to Nick, the two spent hours talking and texting and FaceTiming and whatever else it is iPhones can do now. According to me and anyone else who saw Nick frantically trying to avoid honestly answering the question, the two spent hours talking and texting and sending each other pictures of their junk.

Nick was confronted by Shawn in the next segment. This was terrible. The two spent ten minutes talking about how immature they were, all while avoiding eye contact with the other. If you’re going to claim to have grown from the experience, at least pretend to be better people. As it stands, the two are locked in an immature game of “No I was more immature!” one-upmanship. Watching these two grown men argue about who was the bigger idiot feels like watching a playground argument or drawing a circle. Completely pointless. 

Nick’s final confrontation was with his most recent ghost of Bachelorettes past, Kaitlyn. He somewhat subtly points out that they both said “I love you” while they were alone. Kaitlyn, to her credit, only offers a momentary panicked look (she’s not supposed to say that) before deftly recovering and avoiding the subject altogether. Both make a somewhat rushed attempt to pretend not to hate each other before Nick is whisked away by the production staff. If this was a fascist dictatorship, Nick would be murdered for revealing this information. However, this is The Bachelorette so he was probably only slightly beaten.

The show ends with Shawn and Kaitlyn reaffirming their love for each other. I could describe this in greater detail, but if you’ve seen even 15 minutes of this season you have probably seen Shawn and Kaitlyn being cutesy and shit together. The story stays the same.

Me.

I could have gone into much greater detail about this episode, but seeing as how I have now surpassed 2,000 total words I will spare you the reading and leave you with this simple closing thought. Chris Harrison introduced this season multiple times as being “unlike any season of The Bachelorette to date.”  Turns out, this was literally untrue as we again saw Nick scorned in the final two. I didn’t expect any better of Chris Harrison, but I would be doing my hate of him a disservice if I didn’t point that out.

I’ll see you next time,

XOXO

Gossip Squirrel

Episode 11: The Men Tell All And Everyone Is Terrible

Good Lord. How many villains can one show have? By my count, there were at least seven throughout this season, not including the handful of new assholes we discovered last night. 

Tonight’s Men Tell All episode begins with a preview of Bachelor in Paradise. Words cannot express my excitement for this show. I basically only write about The Bachelor and The Bachelorette to fill time between seasons of Bachelor in Paradise. If it were up to me, Bachelor in Paradise would win all of the Emmys. It would also win all of the Grammys, Tonys, and maybe even a Teen Choice Award. The show is that good.

 To be fair, anyone can win a Grammy

After a quick re-introduction of this season’s contestants, Tanner wastes no time in calling out Ian for being a douche during his time on the show. The majority of the guys agree with him, except for Kupah and Corey, who both think what he said was correct, despite a graceless delivery. As Corey (who never spoke before tonight) puts it “America will agree that she did not take the responsibility of being The Bachelorette seriously.”

Two things. First, what America agrees on is hardly a metric of success. America gave Nicolas Cage an Oscar, Steve Harvey seven TV shows, and Donald Trump a legitimate chance to be our next president. Clearly our decision-making is not to be trusted. Second, what exactly is the “responsibility of being The Bachelorette?” Is it anything more than being an attractive white woman and staying relatively sober? If so, I haven’t noticed.

Eventually, the focus is shifted back to Ian, who issues an… apology? Monologue? I’m not really sure what to call it. After being asked to explain his actions, Ian removes his suit coat (with his shirt sleeves already rolled up because he had obviously prepared for this moment) and walks in front of the guys. Then he takes a knee to beg for forgiveness like he was a remorseful Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights. Only Ian’s speech was less about football and more about attention seeking.

Ian's unrealistic internal monologue.

Next on the chopping block were Clint and JJ, both of whom a smirking Chris Harrison suggests might be gay. Clearly tired of this question, Clint immediately asserts that he is in fact straight, and that their joking around was meant to be between friends. JJ described their “relationship” and  “friendship” using air quotes, as he was also clearly tired of the issue. When Chris Harrison asked him why he was using so many air quotes, JJ shot back saying, “why don’t you tell me?” Fuck yeah, JJ. Way to call out The Bachelorette for using you as gay bait to create a non-story. Well done.

Instead of responding in any intelligible way, Chris Harrison continues to stare at JJ with a shit-eating grin. As far as I’m concerned, Harrison is a villain now too for participating in this whole “The very idea of gay people is hilarious” storyline. Before he can answer JJ, fellow villain and newcomer to ties, Kupah chimes in and saves him. Kupah wants JJ to stop talking about himself, despite the fact that JJ was answering a question, and start talking about how much everyone hates Nick. Great, now we’ve got villains teaming up to fight other villains. What is this, Suicide Squad?

Did he get dressed in the dark? What is happening? I demand an answer!

Taking Kupah’s bait, the guys proceed to talk about how bad Nick is for Kaitlyn and how wrong she was in keeping him on the show. Joshua, whose hair has grown back quite nicely, thinks that Kaitlyn should not have said her husband was on the show, only to bring on Nick weeks later. Clint makes an excellent counterpoint when he says “saying someone isn’t right for her is valuing your opinion over Kaitlyn’s.” Holy shit. Something shockingly insightful happened on The Bachelorette and it came from one of the biggest “villains” on the show. ABC really needs to evaluate what exactly they think a villain is.

Apparently Chris Harrison did not get enough time talking to JJ earlier, because he invites him to the couch for the next segment. He opens his line of questioning with “as strange as it seemed, Kaitlyn really liked you.” Wow. Fuck you too, Chris. That’s not even a backhanded compliment; it’s just a backhand.

 In what seemed like a legitimately heartfelt apology, JJ apologized for betraying Clint earlier in the season. Fan favorite Jared even comes to his defense saying that he likes JJ. Corey, however, disagrees with Jared because… Wait. Corey is talking again? Who the fuck is this guy? He doesn’t say three words all season and now he won’t shut up. Let it go, Corey. We clearly didn’t need to hear you speak on the show and we certainly don’t need it now.

Corey was so irrelevant I couldn't even find a picture of him.

Even with Corey’s disapproval, it was hard to take this segment too seriously as The Bachelorette producers tried to edit in badly timed looks of disapproval and “boos” from the crowd. If the producers were smart they would let the actual assholes be the villains instead of trying to shoehorn JJ and Clint into the roles.

Ben Z was next to join Chris on the couch. He told Chris that he still hasn’t been able to cry since the death of his mother when Ben was a teenager. Chris takes this moment to mock the emotionally stunted man, saying, “Well.  Inside I’m crying right now.” And yet, somehow, Chris Harrison is not a villain. Fuck everything.

 Side note: Following this segment, I saw a commercial for a show called Dating Naked. The show apparently isn’t a joke? Was this common knowledge, or have I been living under a very fortunate rock?

Me, in regards to reality TV.

The nicest man in the world (and only actual human being on the show) Jared was next on the couch. He tells Chris that he isn’t over Kaitlyn entirely yet, but all break ups are a process and he is doing well. Jared seems to be well adjusted and handling the situation well. None of that is funny or particularly interesting, but Jared is a smart, emotionally stable person. What did you expect?

He did shave his beard at the behest of Harrison though. As much as I hate Chris Harrison, that was good advice. Technically speaking, all facial hair is “pubes,” but Jared’s was especially “pube-y.”

The final contestant on the couch was Ben H, our presumptive Bachelor for next season. Ben tells Chris that he never got closure outside of “saying goodbye.” Of course, that is a literal example of closure, but we’re not here to split hairs. If I corrected every misused word or turn of phrase these monkeys made, this would look more like a dictionary than a blog.

"Wait, so 'for all intensive porpoises' isn't correct?" 

Ben also retells the story of his time with Shawn and Kaitlyn, where he could tell Shawn was one of the frontrunners. This reinforces what I’ve been saying all along and confirms why this season has been so boring. For weeks now, the show has been about Nick, Shawn, and Kaitlyn, and their constant bickering. Honestly, Men Tell All was my favorite episode in a long time, simply for not being entirely about Nick and Shawn.

No. You've had enough. We've had enough.

Finally, after much waiting, Kaitlyn comes out to overwhelming cheers. The joy is short-lived, however, when Chris Harrison shows a series of harassing tweets Kaitlyn received. The surprisingly vitriolic tweets slut shamed her for (in the show’s terms) prematurely sleeping with Nick. Said tweets referred to her as a “slut,” “whore,” “pathetic excuse for a human being,” and “a little bitch.” Kaitlyn also claimed to have received death threats for her past actions. Keep in mind, she hasn’t killed anyone or stolen any money. She’s just a grown woman having sex with a grown man. Happens every day.

Since we saw Kaitlyn sleep with Nick, I have made a concerted effort not to discuss Kaitlyn’s perceived promiscuity. In part, that is because I knew it would come up on the Men Tell All episode, but also because gender politics are a complicated subject. It’s very easy to avoid saying anything of substance and instead rant and rage about how someone is/isn’t a slut and how that is/isn’t a good thing.

That being said, The Bachelorette brought the issue up, so I feel comfortable in at least addressing it.

To harass and wish death upon a woman for sleeping with a man before you wanted her to means one of two things. Either, you are so concerned with preserving the comfortable structure of a reality TV show that you are willing to badger her to the point of tears with threateningly misogynistic tweets, or you’re a member of ISIS. Honestly. Those are the only two types of people I can think of that would so readily wish death upon a woman for engaging in premarital sex. I wish I were joking about this, but not even North Korea, The Westboro Baptist Church, or Medieval Europe was death a punishment for premarital sex.

So, if you feel the need to continue harassing a woman for her sexual activity, just remember. You can always get a one-way ticket to Tikrit and hang out with other assholes that really share your views.

An apostate of The Bachelorette faith.

Things got a little intense there. Thanks for not giving up. I promise I won’t mention ISIS for the rest of the blog.

Next it is time for Kaitlyn’s question time with the guys. Jared is first, but doesn’t ask her any questions. Instead, he talks about how much respect he has for her. Kaitlyn agrees. Nothing funny or interesting happens. Next.

Ben H asks about her relationship with Shawn, and why he was never told that she slept with Nick. It’s a fair question and Kaitlyn responds that she would have told him about Nick had she felt more strongly about their relationship. To be clear, this is not a reason to withhold information like that. It’s not ok to be in a relationship with someone you know you won’t marry, sleep with someone else, and then not tell them because you don’t want to be with them. That would be like me quitting this blog just because I realized The Bachelorette was a pointless show. Wait…

I just had a very sudden realization...

Jonathan also steps forward to question Kaitlyn’s relationship with Nick, reiterating his point that it was unfair to bring him on after previously stating that her future husband was on the show. Kaitlyn responds by saying “didn’t you vote for Britt?” as if that was in any way relevant. Yes he voted for Britt on the first night, but that really has nothing to do with Kaitlyn bringing on a guy she’s had a previous relationship with, does it?

Corey then asks if she could bring Nick on, “why couldn’t they bring other girls on?” Christ! Again with this guy? Who is letting him talk this much, and with such stupid questions? First off, you can’t bring other women onto the show because it’s not your show. It’s not about you, so stop trying to hog the spotlight. Second, shut up. I’m done with you.

I was just too lazy to replace "fetch" with "Corey." You get the idea.

Next, Ryan M made a nice appearance to apologize for his drunken antics on the first episode. He presented Kaitlyn with a rose of her own as a peace offering for the one he smashed. I know I sound like every desperate ex in the world right now, but I think he’s changed for the better. I like Ryan M again.

Ian was the final contestant to talk to Kaitlyn. Again, he got down on one knee to apologize for his behavior. Again, I hated every moment of his time on screen. I’m so happy I’ll never have to see him again. Wait, I don’t think I did that last one right…

As each Gender Specific Pronoun Tell All show does, tonight’s episode ended with a blooper reel consisting of people tripping over their own feet, sets falling down, and bugs flying into mouths. It’s a less entertaining version of America’s Funniest Home Videos with fewer nut shots.

Reality stars, they're just like us!

Chris Harrison closes the show by saying next week’s episode will be “a finale like no other,” though if Nick gets rejected again, that will be literally untrue.

I'll see you next time,

XOXO

Gossip Squirrel

Episode 10: What The Hell Is Going On?

Tonight's episode opens with the climax of Nick and Shawn's big fight. Like sex with Sting, this entire season has felt like a slow, tantric build to a confrontation of some significance between the two. So it was quite a disappointment when the culmination of weeks of animosity resulted in a brief shouting match and a lot of blank stares. I assume this also is like sex with Sting.

The first date of the night was Ben. He and Kaitlyn rode horses through County Galway, where Kaitlyn said "I claim to be such a country girl, but I've never even ridden a horse." I'm sorry, what? Since when has Kaitlyn claimed to be a "country girl?" She's a dance instructor from Canada who likes rap music. That's about as "country" as a college education or regular showering.

Behold. Your "country" God.

Kaitlyn and Ben dismount to find a field of donkeys. You read that right. While horseback riding in the Irish countryside, the couple found and fed a herd of donkeys. Kaitlyn probably hadn’t seen that many cute asses in one place since the show’s opening night.

Once the aforementioned jackassery ends, the couple sits down to a picnic in front of a 19^th century castle. Ben confesses his love for Kaitlyn who responds by saying “That’s nice.” Kaitlyn, like myself, was apparently also disinterested in Ben.

Next, Kaitlyn and Ben had dinner inside said castle. Kaitlyn remarks that there must be “over 200 years of love in this castle.” I suppose that could be true. However, given that the castle is in Ireland, it is more likely filled with the ghosts of tortured Protestants.

"Booooo! I don't recognize the authority of the Papacy! Booooo!"

The next morning we see Ben leaving Kaitlyn’s room. She tells the camera that they “only got about half an hour of sleep,” because you can’t say “we fucked for hours” on network TV. You know, in case any kids were watching. We wouldn’t want children hearing dirty words on a show where grown men and women forgo their dignity to find a partner and validate their lives. That might damage their perception of the world.

Shawn’s date was next. He and Kaitlyn go golfing: an activity so boring that people watch it to fall asleep on Sunday afternoons. How boring is golf, you ask? It’s so boring that Kaitlyn had to save the segment by daring Shawn to strip naked for a hole. That being said, the stunt worked and Shawn was interesting, if only for a few minutes.

It's easy to streak when you look like Shawn. This guy is brave.

Later at dinner, Kaitlyn questions Shawn about why he hates Nick so much. For what must be the hundredth time, Shawn says “Nick isn’t there for the right reasons,” “I don’t trust him,” and “he’s an asshole.” If you haven’t realized it yet, Shawn has the emotional maturity of a 16-year-old boy. Though, to be fair to 16-year-old boys, Shawn is a lot more annoying.

After leaving the next morning, Shawn is confronted by Nick. After being berated by Shawn earlier in the week, Nick wants a chance to speak his mind. However, he is barely a full sentence in before Shawn calls him an “asshole” and starts yelling over him. I really don’t know how much more of this I can take. Watching the same pointless argument for weeks at a time is boring and feels like watching a presidential debate. Both contestants are assholes and in the end it really doesn’t matter who wins.

The final rose ceremony of the season is next, and (unsurprisingly) Ben is sent home. I’d like to feel bad about Ben leaving, but seeing as how I really know nothing about him, it’s hard. I know that Ben is nice, was on The Bachelorette, and is probably the next bachelor, but beyond that not much else. Honestly, the only reason I wanted him to stick around was to avoid hearing any more Shawn and Nick bullshit. No such luck.

They're fighting. Again.

Because this show is completely devoid of any structure, the last hour is devoted to Kaitlyn meeting Nick and Shawn’s families. Everyone leaves Ireland (which is barely mentioned) and travels to Utah for some inexplicable reason. Nick’s family was first, and clearly did not want to be there. Between the awkward silences and Nick’s youngest sister bursting into tears before he even showed up, this looked more like an episode of Intervention than it did The Bachelor.

Once they met her, however, Nick’s family overwhelmingly approved of Kaitlyn. His mother especially liked Kaitlyn, even after Nick told her that Kaitlyn was “good at making out.” Or for all I know that was the reason she liked Kaitlyn. Maybe this is some reverse Oedipal situation where the mom wants to be heavily involved in her son’s sex life?

Shawn’s family also got a chance to meet Kaitlyn and was supportive for the most part. His sisters take an immediate liking to her, even telling Shawn as much. Shawn’s dad on the other hand is less supportive, asking “What the hell is going on? This is nuts.” Finally. After over twenty hours of watching this season of The Bachelorette, someone I can relate to. I’m planning to start a petition for Shawn’s dad to be the next Bachelor.

Sanders/Shawn's Dad 2016

The episode ends with Kaitlyn saying that she really cares for both men, and doesn’t know who she will pick. Good news Kaitlyn! You’re in Utah right now, a state run by a religious organization known for supporting polygamy. You can pick both! One woman marrying two men is what you call a Utah Progressive.

Men tell all is next week. Here’s hoping for some high quality drama.

I'll see you next time,

XOXO
Gossip Sqirrel